A Season of Loss

Shortly after losing Aunt Helen, my dear friend Rosemary's Mother died. Rosemary cared for her Mom at home and was an amazing daughter. We met in college during nursing school, were in each other's weddings, and became life long friends. She called me when her Mom passed a few weeks ago and today I called her to let her know that my Mom died today. Somehow it feels like a season of losses.

Rosemary was among my first friends to know of the difficult relationship I had with my Mom. Through the years though, many other friends, also became supportive of not only me, but my Mother, too, as we figured out how best to be mother and daughter. My Mom had a tough life, with much sadness and loss. It wasn't easy to lose my Dad suddenly when she was 33 years old, with two children to raise. She struggled with depression and anxiety in trying to find her way in the world without my Dad. She never really got over that loss. My brother was very sick for many years and she watched as he declined. When he died at age 46 in the mid 90's, her grief was palpable, but she managed to go on in her own way.

Five years ago my Mom had a massive stroke after a total knee replacement and it was touch and go for the first few months. But, she soldiered on and it was then that I realized just how strong she really was. Her life in a nursing home was no piece of cake, but she managed to enjoy my visits, TV, and her favorite foods. When we moved her to Iowa about 18 months ago, she became cared for by an amazing nursing staff at a beautiful facility. She also got to be near Pete, Anne, and her beloved great granddaughters, Hannah & Lizzie. She was so looking forward to meeting her great grandson, Evan, but that was not to be. I'm so glad she was able to meet Angie, though, and I know she loved us all very, very much.

One of the blessings that I am most grateful for is that I now have forgiveness in my heart for my Mom. I was not always the perfect daughter, either, and I believe she forgave me too. I know that I tried my best to care for her and now, I believe she tried her best to care for me. She taught me many good life lessons. Through her I gained a love for reading, the theater, ballet, and museums. I also learned about responsibility, good manners, the joy of holidays, and the general excitement that life can be. Today was a day filled with sadness and relief. Sadness for the many times she struggled in her life, but relief that her pain is now over. Rest in peace, Mom. I hope you are with Dad and Pete.